Maker's Log: Introduction

For years I've been looking for a way to document my writing progress. I tried keeping a spreadsheet of my word counts, but it always seemed too rigid - what if I wanted to work on something other than my novel? Did the words still count? Then I tried keeping a traditional journal to document the work, but I never stuck to it because the entries took too long to write and I never went back and re-read them, anyway. What I needed, I decided, was a sort of captains log for my creativity. A no-nonsense chronicle of my day, with just a little room for embellishment. A maker's log, if you will.

I love taking time to chronicle my day, even if its only in outline form. It gives credence to both the productive days and the ones where I only manage to get a few words down. It makes each attempt seem noble and good, because look, I showed up, I attempted. I love deciding what to put into my maker's log and what to leave out on any given day. I love reading my old entries. Looking back, I can already see the shifts in perspective, and the things I'm going to have to re-learn over and over again. It makes this thing I'm doing, this endless swath of words, seem a little more worth it.

I'm planning for this to be a monthly series on my blog: a compilation of some of the entries from my log throughout the month. As much as I'd like to say I write in my log book every night, that's just not the case. I've never been good at doing anything daily (as you all can probably attest to), but it feels good to do something semi-regularly, to document even the most incremental of progress, and to honor it for what it is.

What follows is a smattering of entries from the past few months. They have been tremendously helpful for me to write, and I hope they will be helpful for those of you trying to stick to a creative practice- I know first hand just how hard it can be. Stay turned for a September-specific maker's log at the end of the month!

3/18/18

Today I... Went exploring with my friend for the second day in a row. I finally got up the nerve to record parts of our conversation for my walking episode [of the podcast I want to make someday but is currently on the back burner]. In the evening, even though I was really tired, I did most of a water color painting for my book postcards project. All in all a productive day.

Was inspired by... Colorful fences, houses painted audacious shades of purple, people who kept asking us if we were artists when we told them we were going to Texas Art Supply, my friend's encouragement and enthusiasm for my podcast, feeling like I could do anything!

Listing to... Linus and Lucy by George Winston while painting, so relaxing.

Reading... Nothing :( Didn't have time.

Feeling... Like I'm on top of the world! That I wish more days were like today and yesterday. That I'm exhausted...

What I learned... Spending time with people who inspire you is important. People are more receptive to your ideas that you think they will be. Make time for inspiration - it makes actually making things easier. You don't have to do everything alone!


3/29/18

Today I... Wrote most of a short story based off of Edward Gorey's shuffled stories. It started out as an attempt at a blog post and it feels like it could turn into something much longer. Had one of those surreal writing experiences where you just completely lose yourself in the story and it hardly feels like you're doing any work at all...Until you come out of it and you realize that it's almost 1am! I feel kind of like I'm in some sort of brain fog induced by intense concentration. Worried that I'll lose all of my momentum if I try and start again tomorrow, but I know if I kept going I would literally be up all night. I wish FLOW would happen more often!

Was inspired by... Alice Oseman. She's so down to earth and she seems like a person who knows how to find the fun in writing. Also Edward Gorey is a genius.

Listening to... The intense quite created by my headphones. Earlier today: Julia Nune's album, Some Feelings

Reading... The Wild Birds by Emily Strelow, In the park, on my lunch break. Proud of myself for actually reading on my lunch break!

Feeling... Like I should trust my instincts more. It's really nice to write something for the sake of writing, not because you want to use it for a project or publish it or even finish it.

What I learned... It doesn't help to beat yourself up over NOT working on the novel or a blog post or whatever. It does help to make what feels right in the moment.


4/7/18

Today I... Actually finished a blog post! I'd been feeling really uninspired with the blog recently but today I took the time to really search for inspiration. I finally found it in the form of a blog called Enjoy It - it's a really great mixture of personal posts and really helpful tips, not to mention gorgeous photography. Took some cues from her and am very happy with the result. Con: I didn't work on my novel at all.

Was inspired by... The blog mentioned above; thinking about Frank Lloyd Wright for my blog post (he was so prolific!); and this quote, even thought it's hard medicine to swallow: "A professional is one who does his best work when he feels the least like working." - FLW

Listening to... Hozier! How did I not realize he was so good!

Reading... The Honey Farm by Harriet Alida Lye. Will try to read a few more pages before bed.

Feeling... Tired, too warm, like my hair is really greasy, like I made progress today, but hoping that in the future I don't need to spend hours scrolling blogs in order to feel inspired enough to write.

What I learned... Patience is as much a part of creativity as anything else.


5/9/18

Today I... Wrote 360 words, painted a little watercolor illustration to go with my blog post, and then posted it!

Was inspired by... I'm not sure... mostly lyrics to my favorite songs.

Listening to... Andriene Lanker! So good!

Reading... Nothing at the moment :(

Feeling... A little overwhelmed by all the stuff I want to make....again.

What I learned... Doing that little watercolor painting lifted my spirits os much. I felt accomplished, AND I didn't even have to get up that much earlier than normal in order to do it. So nice to have tangible progress!


8/21/18

Today I... Wrote 27 words, aka 2 sentences. This was just a few minutes ago, after I decided that I needed to get over my creative procrastination habit once and for all. It actually felt like a bit of a relief to open the document again. I've built it up in my head as this scary thing, when really it's not. I also wrote an entry in my journal and even though I'm still unsure about where I want all of my creative projects to go, it's nice to feel somewhat in control again. I don't have to figure it all out right now. I just have to devote myself to showing up in the barest possible capacity until I'm ready to move forward.

Was inspired by... Molly de Montaigne on Youtube, esp. her video on journaling. It reminded me that journaling doesn't have to be only one thing - that it is completely private and personal and unique. Also she's one of the first people I've seen make a video about finishing a novel draft who openly and happily reveled in the fact that it's bad. She calls first drafts clay. Not bowls or vases, just clay, that you have to shape into something better. I really like that.

Listening to... 99% Invisible, specifically their wildfire series. I'm really trying to re-ignite my love of podcasts.

Reading... Recently finished Bleaker House, which made me want to work on my novel even more. It gave me the profound sense that I was reading the right book at just the right time, which is a great feeling. Am going to read at least 2 pages of Thoreau's journals tonight, after I finish this entry. I never want to pick it up, but I'm always glad I did.

Feeling... Relieved that I feel somewhat more in control of my creative life. I want to create rituals for my creativity - I think embracing small steps jus might work. So yeah, relieved and cautiously optimistic.

What I learned... I can make myself write 2 sentences even when I don't want to. Sometimes, letting go of the big picture helps.


8/23/18

Today I... Wrote 56 words. A couple more sentences. I feel like I have the urge to write but my procrastinator's brain keeps getting in the way. I'm hoping that this little mini vacation to Austin will free my mind up a bit. I want to associate writing and creativity with that vacation state of mind - maybe then it won't feel so much like work.

Was inspired by... My own imagination (is that arrogant to say?). I keep thinking about all the stuff I'm magically going to fit into 3 days. It's not going to happen, but it's fun to think about.

Listening to... The Bundyville podcast. So addicted! Also my Meld playlist which is just a good upbeat mix of songs I love.

Reading... A couple more entries in Thoreau's journals.

Feeling... A little stressed, but mostly just excited. I want this weekend to be restorative and fun, but I really want to come back from it refreshed and inspired and ready to FINISH MY NOVEL!


8/25/18

Today I... Wrote part of a recap of our Austin trip for the blog, which I'm actually really proud of. It feels funny and interesting, and like something someone else might actually want to read.

Was inspired by... The guy with his golden retriever at the lake. He was standing waist deep in the water and every so often he would hold the dog up so he could swim a little bit. We should all aspire to be more like that guy and his dog.

Listening to... My Earthy playlist while driving through the hills of Austin.

Reading... A few pages of Wildlands by Abby Geni. I can already tell I'm going to be totally sucked in.

Feeling... Rejuvenated, excited, inspired.

What I learned... Sometimes breaks are good. You can still have "busy" days that feel relaxed and leisurely if you do them right. I need to find a relaxing ritual to do each morning, like swimming at Barton Springs has been for us this weekend. Maybe I just need to bring that calmness to roller skating.


8/29/18

Today I... Wrote about 350 words. Not as much as yesterday when I wrote 600 (didn't have time to write an entry about it). I think writing this novel is just going to be a bit rough for a little while. Not everything about novel writing is easy, right? There's always that point where you think you can't do it. Well, I'm telling myself that I can.

Was inspired by... Roller skating! Went on a relaxed evening skate tonight and felt completely refreshed. I think roller skating is like a palate cleanser for me. It makes my day instantly better and reminds me what's really important: feeling alive, and free, and happy.

Am reading... The Summer Book by Tove Jansson. The language is very clean and sparse, but somehow that just makes the imagery even more beautiful.

Am listening to... Silence, mostly. The whirr of the air conditioner. The sound of my pen on the page.

Feeling... Like today was a full, productive day without even trying too hard to make it one, which is a nice feeling.

What I learned... When in doubt, go skating. :)

Thinking Out Loud Episode 2: Self Help

I'm not gonna lie. I'm a bit of a self improvement junkie. I love motivational quotes, and reading about people's morning routines. When I was a kid, I was a bit obsessed with routine, to the point where I once I asked my parents to alternate the days that they read to me before bed (Dad one night, Mom the next, etc). I'm not quite as obsessed as I was then, but I'm still enamored by productivity tips and new ways of thinking about time, distractions, and getting stuff done.

In today's episode I share quotes from a couple of my favorite self improvement sites (Zen Habits and Raptitude) and talk a little bit about the weird world of self help gurus. This podcast is meant to inspire further reading, so don't hesitate to check out the articles mentioned and read them in full!




As always, thanks for listening, and I'll see you tomorrow!

Momentum Creates Momentum

I've always been an aspire-er. A person who aspires more than she does. It's a quality that I've struggled with for pretty much my whole life, and I still have a long way to go. But this year, I've been making minuscule progress. For the past couple of weeks, doing homework hasn't felt like pulling teeth. My done journal is more than just piddly little organizational tasks, but actually things like "Finished art history assignment" and "Wrote 800 words." I still have my share of lazy days (yesterday, for example), but where before it was hard to get back up after I fell off the productivity wagon, now I find it relatively easy to start fresh.

If you know me, you know that I'm kind of a productivity junkie. As a kid I was obsessed with routines and would spend hours imagining what my life would be like if every day was the same. (I know, I was a weird kid. Also I no longer wish every day was the same). Now I just read about famous writers' morning routines (my favorite is Darwin's: even with constant illness and anxiety about how his work would be received, he still found time to write, take long, meandering walks, and reply to every single letter he received). So really, nothing much has changed. But as much as I admired other people's orderly schedules and productive days, I was never really able to recreate that for myself.

One piece of advice I've heard over and over again is that momentum creates momentum, or in other words: the more you do things, the easier doing things becomes. A young Amelia Earhart echoes this beautifully in a letter to her mother: "Despite my unusual activity I am very well organized to do more the more I do. You know what I mean... I am not overdoing it and all that is needed for bouncing health is plenty to eat and happiness. Consider me bursting, please." Let's hope this isn't my characteristic beginning-of-the-semester optimism (see my post from last September if you don't believe me). This feels a little different, more stable, more like something taking root. No doubt there are other posts on this blog that sound like this: full of optimism and brimming with plans for the future. I was hesitant to post this for fear of sounding false or repetitive, or worse, jinxing myself out of my newfound productivity. But, what the heck.

Consider me bursting.

On Creative Guilt

I have a lot of creative guilt. It sounds like this:

-Why haven't you written anything today?
-When was the last time you made something?
-How long has it been since your last blog post?
-You're adding another project to your list? What about all the unfinished ones?

And so on. Creative guilt doesn't just show up when I haven't made anything in a while. It rears its ugly head at the precise moment when I need it to shut up: when I'm about to start. That can be embarking on a new project or just trying to fit in thirty minutes of work. It's the voice in my head that says, "You haven't been able to keep this up in the past, so what makes this time any different?"

It's true that my track record for follow-through is pretty lousy. Even this summer, when I have the gift of free time, I haven't been able to consistently keep up a creative practice. And while, yes, I could really benefit from less daydreaming and more doing, the voice that makes me feel bad about myself and discourages me from getting back in the game is textbook creative guilt.

That first hint of failure - the first day you didn't write after a multi-day streak, the day your enthusiasm ran out, the day someone asked you a question you couldn't answer and it threw the whole project into question - is most often when creative guilt pounces. It's one thing to feel restless, to want to make something after a hiatus; it's another to feel like every setback is magnified because you can't seem to get your act together.

The guilt is a liar. I could agonize for days about how little I've accomplished, but would it help anything? Of course not. And what I have to remind myself, over and over again, is that past failures  have no bearing on my ability to do the work. It doesn't matter how many days it's been since I've written. What matters is that I write today. It doesn't matter how many projects I've left unfinished. What matters is that I finish this one.

My advice (that I'm still trying to follow) is this: Take a deep breath. Push the guilt monster out of your head. Begin.

**When you need a break, or an extra kick in the pants, check out the links below**
An Invocation for Beginnings
Chuck Close on Inspiration and Work Ethic (via Brainpickings)
Austin Kleon on Learning Creative Habits from his Son

A Drop in the Bucket: A Look at my Done Journal

I hate to-do lists. There, I said it. For years I thought the only way to be productive was to make to-do lists and then cry silently for all the things left unfinished at the end of the day. I never got the same satisfaction as other people from crossing items off the list, because somehow everything I still had to do blotted out the any short lived feelings of accomplishment. Plus, I'm terrible at prioritizing. Something needed to change.

The idea of a "Done Journal" is not mine. It's been around for a while, and there are even some apps out there for it, the most popular being iDoneThis. (I haven't tried it, only heard of it) The concept itself is basically a retroactive to-do list, where you write down tasks you've completed rather than things you need to do. The thing that attracted me the most about this idea is that you actually have to do something in order to put it on the list. It sounds obvious, but it's actually extremely powerful. A to-do list is something you create for your future self. You don't get any pleasure out of it until you actually finish a task (or two, or three), and even then it is all too easy to get overwhelmed by the items still on your list. A done list, on the other hand, brings immediate satisfaction. You've just completed a task! You get to add that thing to all the other things you've done that day, that week, that year. You're a rock star!

Okay, so maybe it's weird to get excited over something as small as replying to e-mail, or running errands. But keeping a done list (and a done journal) gives you permission to feel good about yourself and your accomplishments, not matter how small they are. This is the main reason I love done lists, and why I now have a journal for them.

About the supplies: The notebook that became my done journal was part of a three pack set from Greenroom. Once I got to college I started using greenroom notebooks almost exclusively because I was so tired of the boring spiral notebooks they'd make us use in elementary and middle school. (I hold my stationary grudges for a long time, folks). Anyway, they are pretty durable, lightweight, and made out of recycled materials. Plus I find they are the perfect size for this purpose.

I began with categories. I wanted my journal to feel deliberate, creative, and thoughtful, rather than just a hap-hazard record of what I've done. If I can color code something, I always do it. By tagging each item with a different color, I can see at a quick glance what parts of my life I'm spending the most time on. Also, I needed an excuse to use my colorful pens.

Despite my gushing above, starting a done journal didn't magically make me a more productive person. There are still days when I feel crappy about not getting enough done, or I look back at my day and realize that I didn't accomplish anything important. I've noticed that I have to write down the date in the morning before I've finished anything or I don't have the motivation to start working until much later. The other thing that has been helpful is writing down my thoughts at the end of the day about what I accomplished, what I wish I'd done, or simply something that happened to me that day. It's a great way to de-stress and avoid feeling overwhelmed. Can your to-do list do that?

Lastly, the done journal does not completely obliterate the need for a to-do list. As much as I hate to admit it, I still use them to keep track of what I need to do. But since starting my done journal, to-do lists have become more of a tool for remembrance than motivation. The stress-free satisfaction that comes from adding an accomplishment to my done journal is what keeps me going day after day.

This post is the beginning of what I am hoping will become a long running series. Keeping a done journal is one of the items on my creative bucket list*, a compilation of all the creative stuff I want to make or learn about over the course of my lifetime. Each time I cross a new item off the list I'll write a post about it, complete with pictures, stories, and insight into what I've learned. Right now my unofficial goal is to complete one bucket list item every month, though some will take longer than others, and some are ongoing, like the done journal. So far my done journaling experience has been a positive one, and I hope this will inspire you to give it a try.

*At this point you're probably wondering how I can hate to-do lists, but have a 74 item bucket list. The reason is this: My bucket list is a pressure-free space. There is no one demanding I do any of the things on the list by a certain date. Thus I can chip away at it and not feel overwhelmed.