Keep Going

Hi friends. I wanted to have a little honest chat about how I've been feeling about my creativity lately, because it hasn't been great.

I've been really struggling with feeling like I'm not making any progress, or more realistically, the fact that I can't recognize the progress I've been making.

I've been working on the second draft of the novel I finished last November, and I'm almost 15,000 words in, but I don't know how to measure my progress in a way that will make me feel accomplished. As such, I've been being really hard on myself about writing, and my habit of constantly getting distracted, and just everything in general.

I think part of the problem is comparison. I follow a lot of creative people on the internet, and I love it because they are a constant source of inspiration. I want to be as prolific as the artists and writers I follow online, but because writing is such a solitary, slow activity I haven't been able to share any of the progress I'm making. It sucks that in today's creative economy, it feels like you're not being "productive" unless you share the results of your efforts. And like, that's part of the creative process, right? I want people to be able to interact with the things I'm making- that's part of the reason why I make things. But at the same time, I hate that the progress I'm making doesn't feel like "real" progress unless somebody else is witness to it. It's like the creative version of "pics or it didn't happen."

I hate that the internet/social media does this to us. I love that the internet/social media connects us to this whole world of creative people I never would have discovered otherwise. I'm very, very conflicted.

I don't know if self doubt is even the right word for what I'm feeling. It's weird, because I've never been more confident in my work. For the longest time I didn't want to even consider submitting short stories to magazines, because I didn't think what I was writing was anywhere near good enough yet. I don't really feel that anymore. It feels like time to start submitting things for publication. I want to rack up rejection letters, because that means I'm finally putting myself out there. But that knowledge doesn't change the fact that every time I sit down to write I have to fight through this mire of fear and distraction and just plain old discomfort. And I know that's normal, and I know that every writer deals with those emotions, but I wish I could fall in love with writing again. I wish I could write the way I did as a kid, where the stories just poured out of me without judgement.

I don't have a neat bow to tie all of this up in. I don't have tips or answers or advice. I'm just trying to make stuff. I want to start posting here more regularly again, because maybe sharing things will make me feel like I'm part of the conversation, like I'm making progress.  Part of me hates that I can't be happy on my own little island of creativity, just slowly plodding along towards the end of my novel. But I've also never felt the urge to put my work out there as strongly as I do now. It's time.

So, I'm trying to be kind, but firm, to myself. I'm going to keep writing my novel, and I'm going to try and enjoy it. I'm going to make things that I can actually share, because I have things I want to say, things that I think are worth reading.

If you're feeling any of these things too, you're not alone. I'd love to know how you handle the topsy-turvy-ness of the social media inspiration vs distraction trap. (Honestly, it feels like a daily see-saw). How do you balance making things to share vs the slow, quiet process of making things just for yourself? And writers: how do you remind yourself that you're making progress???

This girl has a lot of questions and not very many answers. But she's gonna to keep going anyway.

10 Reasons To Take Up Roller Skating

Last year, I got my first pair of roller skates since I was a kid. Since then I've wobbled, stumbled, and downright fallen into all things roller skating, and let me tell you: I'm having a blast! Roller skating has changed my life for the better in so many ways. Here are a few:

1. It's good to be bad at something. Let me confess something: I'm not good at skating. I'm still very much a beginner. But that's one of the things that drew me to it in the first place. Being a beginner humbles you. It pushes you to learn new things and not be afraid to look stupid doing them. And trust me, that's a very valuable skill.

2. It's exercise that's actually fun. For a while, I thought the only kind of exercise I found even moderately enjoyable was walking. Seriously. I thought I just wasn't an athletic person. I could list off a ton of the physical benefits of roller skating: It requires leg strength, core strength, good posture, and flexibility, not to mention balance and coordination. But the main thing that matters is that it's fun! When I'm cruising down an empty street on skates, I feel like I'm flying. Who doesn't want their workout to feel like that?

3. The community is amazing. My first introduction to the skating community was this video. Maybe it's cheesy, but it's what gave me the final push I needed to commit and get myself a pair skates. Since then I've discovered #moxiskatedaily on Instagram and stumbled into the most supportive, empowering, and downright friendly community on the internet. Seriously, I've never seen an unkind comment on anyone's posts, and I've connected with skaters all over the world.

4. It helps you face your fears. Skaters face the fear of falling every single time they lace up. They roll over cracks. They drop into bowls. They jump and spin and fall, fall fall. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway has extended beyond skating and into every aspect of my life. Skating makes me a more confident, fearless person, and for that I am forever grateful.

5. It makes you see your city in a whole new light. One of the best things about owning skates is that the only thing you need to have fun is a smooth stretch of concrete. I find myself noticing great skating spots everywhere I go. Every time I see a tennis court I make a mental note (inside scoop: tennis courts are like impromptu outdoor roller rinks). Walkable areas become skateable areas, plus a stretch that would take you twenty minutes to walk takes about half that on wheels. The possibilities are endless!

6. You can really gauge your progress. Unlike other creative pursuits, where it can be hard to judge your progress against any kind of objective metric (AKA: Writing.....haha ha ha ha....), skating is satisfying in that you can physically see your progress. It's simple: you put in the work, and then suddenly your body is able to do something that felt impossible just weeks before. Finally getting a new trick down is one of the best feelings in the world.

7. It improves balance and flexibility. This one is pretty self explanatory, but I didn't realize just how uncoordinated and inflexible I was until I got on roller skates! Now I find myself looking up exercises to do off skates, JUST so I can become a better skater. Who am I???

8. It's empowering! Want to see some strong, badass women? Look no further than the roller skating community. I'm not just talking about roller derby, though of course that's a big part of it. Roller skating is female dominated in part I think because skateboarding is such a boys club. Roller skaters can do everything (and more!) that a skateboarder can do in a skatepark, AND they're doing it with wheels strapped to their feet. No simply jumping off boards for us—when our wheels roll out form under us, we go down with them. You only have to see EstroJen do a flip in the bowl to believe that roller skates are the next feminist power symbol.

9. You get to know your inner kid again.  A lot of people take up skating to feel the freedom and fearlessness they had as kids. Let me be the first to say: I was not a fearless kid. I was probably more cautious and reserved than I am now. Skating as an adult feels a little bit like a gift to my younger self. It's me saying: look what you can do now. Look how far you've come. I have to believe that little Laura would be proud.

10. It's more fun than walking! Need I say more? I don't think so :)

Before I sign off, I just want to say: maybe roller skating isn't for you. That's fine. But I'm so glad I found a hobby that  makes me feel like a kid again, that brings joy and play into my every day life, that allows me to make new friends and challenges me to grow in ways I didn't think possible. Don't question wether you'll be good or bad at it, or if you'll look stupid doing it. Just find something that makes you happy, and go with the flow :)

Happy rolling!

ps. If you want to updates on my slow, un-graceful roller skating progress, follow @lauralearnstoskate on Instagram :)

pps. Here are some of my favorite resources for the beginner skater:

Planter Roller Skate

Nicole Fiore's Tutorials

Deborah Harry's Tutorials

Chicks in Bowls

 I go to meet the Skate Queen herself: Indy Jamma Jones

Thinking Out Loud: An Introduction

Today marks the beginning of a dream I've had for a while, but couldn't bring myself to embark upon until now. I'm making a podcast. Actually, it's more like a 30 episode mini-podcast, in which I dive into the things I've been reading, watching, and listening to, in under 5 minutes.

It all started when I was listening to an episode of the Design Matters podcast, in which Debbie Millman interviews Sam Winston. At the end she reads a quote from him about creation over consumption, and it got me thinking about all the stuff I consume in any given day, but never really engage with or talk about. An article or a twitter feed might spark something in me, but how often do I actually take that spark and do something with it?

Thus was born Thinking Out Loud, a podcast about ideas and inspiration, and being intentional with the information we consume.  I want to push myself to learn as much as I can about this new medium, and hopefully, I'll get better as I go along. There's something exhilarating about doing something completely out of my creative comfort zone, and this definitely falls into that category.

So, without further ado, here is the first episode of Thinking Out Loud:



I'll be posting new episodes as often as possible, and you can see the complete list in the Podcast tab above. Links to everything mentioned will be in the episode description.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it!

Some Thoughts on Instagram

Today I finally updated my Instagram app. Goodbye classic logo; hello new, boring one.

Okay, so I know I'm woefully behind on this one. Most people have already updated Instagram (like six months ago) and gotten used to the new features, but switching over today got me thinking about Instagram as a whole, as well as the impact it's had on my life. Here are my thoughts, loosely organized:

Part 0: Meta Ramblings

It feels kind of ridiculous to even be writing about an app. I still have a tendency to see internet culture as something less real, or less "worthy" than culture that has its origins in the "real-world." But of course that's ridiculous because the two are, more than ever, inextricably linked. I also feel hesitant to spend so much time contemplating and interacting with an app which could theoretically go extinct. Think MySpace. Think Vine. Think about your favorite website ten years ago: does it still exist? So much of that time and creativity, obsolete or completely gone. Still, Instagram feels important, and I don't think it's in danger of dying out any time soon. It's been a major source of creativity and inspiration to me since I first got a smart phone my junior year of high school. So I'm going to put aside my initial reservations and give Instagram the thoughtful consideration it deserves. 

Part I: Background

First of all, let me just say, I love Instagram. It's by far my favorite social media platform. I think the reason I fell in love with it is because it's one of the few social sites that feels truly creative. Not only does it satisfy my itch to see the world through other people's eyes, but posting to Instagram feels like an act of creation. You're not just telling people about your day or sharing a funny meme. You're actively noticing the world around you, capturing it in a way that only you can, and sharing it with other people. Instagram feels like an experience in a way that Twitter and Facebook don't. You open the app in the morning and see twelve different sunrises, breakfasts, and cups of coffee. No two photos are the same, and yet we're all experiencing the same morning, the same sunrise. Instagram brings everyday to the level of an art form.

Part II: Criticisms

That's not to say that Instagram is perfect. The plethora of sunrise, breakfast, and coffee photos is both a blessing and a curse. There are entire Instagram accounts devoted to Instagram cliches. Over the years the platform has become less a place where people post photos from their everyday life and more a glossy silkscreen designed to make their life seem more perfect than it is. The act of adding filters to your photos was already an act of enhancement, but look at enough Instagram accounts and you'd think most people were living lives filled with travel, adventure, and gourmet food. Most of the time I see Instagram as a source of creative inspiration, as a way to experience beauty through other people's eyes. But I'd be lying if I said I never fall into the trap of jealousy, based on the false notion that someone's Instagram feed is an accurate representation of their daily life.

Part III: The New Instagram

This leads me to the update. Part of the reason it took me so long to switch over was that I didn't really care about the "story" feature in the first place. For those that don't know, your story is a way to upload photos and videos that are separate from your normal Instagram feed. They disappear after 24 hours, and they play in succession, so if you want you can see moments from someone's entire day at a glance. The feature comes almost directly from Snapchat, complete with a similar option to write captions over the photos and add cute overlays and graphics. 

I wasn't expecting to like Instagram's story feature. I'm still not sure that I do, but it certainly got me thinking. I found myself fascinated by the difference between what people posted on their stories and what showed up in their normal feed. The same thing that bothers me about Instagram, the tendency for it to feel overly perfect and contrived, was suddenly enhanced by the existence of the story feature. Here, the same person who posted a stunning photo of themselves on a beach at sunset to their regular Instagram, could also post a video to their story about running out of gas near that same beach. The Instagram story is anti-filter and anti-perfection. If your Instagram feed were a movie, your story would be the "behind the scenes" featurette. It draws attention to the artistry required to post a beautiful, filtered photo to your feed. 

Part IV: Authenticity and Artifice

This dichotomy has been bothering me all day. With the new update, Instagram has tried to put two opposing forces in the same place. Instagram stories are all about immediacy. You only see photos and videos for a few seconds at a time. You get the sense that they were created quickly, too. It's life in rapid fire. By comparison, regular Instagram forces you to really look at a photo, take it all in. It is a perfectly curated snapshot, something that was composed and edited rather than simply captured. 

What I like about the stories is that they're personal. You're not just seeing this person through their photographs anymore; you're hearing their voice, seeing how they move in the world and interact with others. But if stories are somehow more "authentic" where does that leave your regular feed?

Does seeing "behind the scenes" make your photos more beautiful or more fake?  Does it matter that everything we put online is curated in some way? 

I don't know the answers to these questions. All I know is that seeing a video of someone I'd only ever known through photos was a profoundly strange experience. I immediately revised my original view of that person based on their voice and their mannerisms. It made it harder for me to idealize them, because now I know for sure that they are just a regular person living a regular life. Maybe Instagram stories does the much needed work of breaking the facade. But maybe it also turns the thoughtfulness behind each photo into a display of its curated-ness.

Part V: Conclusions, If I have Any

Basically, Instagram's story feature is weird, but I still like Instagram as a whole. I wrote this post not to bash Instagram or the people who use it, but to think critically about the way we portray our lives online. I'll probably have more thoughts on this in the future, and I'm curious to hear yours. I thought I'd end with a list of my favorite Instagrammers, the people who inspire me daily to see the world through a creative lens. 

@rachelcokerwrites - One of my favorite people on Instagram. Rachel sees a world full of color. She always seems to turn small outings into mini adventures, and she excels at appreciating the little things. Follow for vintage fashion, sisterly love, and thoughtful musings on art.

@hellopoe - This lady has some serious photography skills! She travels constantly for her job as a freelance photographer, but her photos don't feel postcard-perfect in the way that a lot of travel photography does. She has an incredible eye for color and line, and every time I see one of her photos I want to set out on my own adventure.

@ashleymaryart - One of the many artists I follow on Instagram. I love her unique, geometric style, and the best part about her Instagram story is getting an in depth look at her process and watching her work come to life!

@jedediahjenkins - It's hard not to admire someone with such profound curiosity and unbridled joy. I also wish I was half as good a writer as Jedediah. His (long!) captions make me revaluate my reality every. single. time. His most recent posts regarding politics and how to bridge the gaps between people are a balm for the soul. Come for the photos, stay for the words.

@thiswildidea - Okay, I'll be honest, I mostly follow this guy for his dog. (As I think most people do - she's in almost every photo) She is supremely cute and also probably the most well behaved dog on the planet. One resounding pro of Instagram stories: you get to see her in action!

@laurenmarek - Another fantastic photographer who happens to also be based in my hometown. What a cool thing it is to see the city you grew up in through the eyes of another person. She's made me see Houston in a whole new light. 

Phew! I think that's enough for one post. Let me know if you think this hard about social media, too.

Essentials for the Traveling Creative

While this post has the word "essentials" in the title, this is really just a list of creativity-related items I plan to take with me on my semester abroad. If it were possible, I would probably take every notebook I own (I have a bit of an addiction), but unfortunately I have limited room in my suitcase.

1. Pocket Moleskine + Mini Pen Set: Both of these items fit neatly into my purse, and they are a huge help when it comes to staying creative on the go. In the past I've used my pocket notebooks for all manner of things, from to-do lists to short story ideas. On this trip I'd really like to break free from the rigidity of the lined notebooks I've used in the past and try to include sketches, poetry, and thoughts from the places that I visit. I plan to write sideways, upside-down, and in spirals. I plan to fill every page with doodles and words, and to really get in the habit of using my notebook as a catch-all for random thoughts I have while traveling.

2. My Favorite Notebook: My uncle gave me this beautiful Rhodia notebook in 2012 and I've been slowly filling it ever since. I have a strange habit of saving certain notebooks for special occasions, and that's definitely the case with this one. I bring it with me on all my trips and try to write at least one entry for each one. This notebook as seen Iowa City, West Texas, New York, Paris, and soon, London and Florence. While my pocket notebook will be for fragmented thoughts and observations, this notebook will function as a journal where I reflect more deeply on my experiences.

3. Shared Travel Journal: Since my friend and I both went abroad this year, we are documenting our adventures in separate travel journals and then swapping them at the end of our travels. While I'm not nearly as prolific in mine as she is in hers (she filled one journal in the space of 12 very exciting days), I'm looking forward to sharing my adventures with her in this journal.

4. Watercolor Supplies: While this watercolor set and notebook looks bulky, I'm very attached to it. The actual set is probably 20+ years old and I inherited it from my mom. I could probably go out and buy a smaller set, and maybe even a smaller notebook, but why not work with what you have? Doing watercolor sketches is one of my favorite things to do while traveling. It makes you look closely at your surroundings, and grounds you in a place much more than just snapping a photograph would.

5. Laptop: This one is pretty self-explanatory. I will need it for school work, updating this blog, and any other writing I do while studying abroad. I'm hoping to keep up with my creative writing projects while I'm there, probably through a website called 750words.com, where you write at least 750 words a day and it tracks your progress.

6. iPhone (not pictured above): The iPhone 6s, which I was lucky enough to receive for Christmas, has an amazing camera. I thought about bringing along a point-and-shoot, but I realized that it would just be another thing I'd have to carry batteries and a charging chord for, and so I decided against it. Besides, I know I will be posting to Instagram as much as I can.

I hope you enjoyed this peek into my suitcase! How do you stay creative while traveling?

***
London and Florence Countdown:
Days until departure: 3 days
Excitement to Anxiety Ratio: 80:20

Creation Over Consumption

Yesterday I had one of those afternoons where I click on something and then I blink and two hours have passed. Waking up from one of these internet trances is always a bit disconcerting. I usually feel pretty good about my internet use, mainly because I spend most of my time reading enriching articles or watching videos where people think critically about books, media, and art. But in consuming other people's thoughts for two hours on autopilot, without noticing my own thoughts or even my own body, I realized just how much more time I spend consuming rather than creating online.

I would bet that this is a pretty common phenomenon. It's a lot easier to consume other people's creations than to create your own. I often find myself inspired after seeing the things other people create, but I've begun to realize how rarely that inspiration is acted on, and even more rarely is it actually turned into a completed project.

Maybe this shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but after a year of watching inspiring youtube videos, consuming thousands of aesthetically pleasing Instagram photos, and reading countless blog posts (half of which were about "how to be productive"), I'm getting fed up with this habit of always consuming and never creating.

That's not to say that I believe all consumption is bad. Creativity doesn't happen in a vacuum, as they say. But creativity also doesn't happen if you spend your time wishing it away. I've let myself become used to the ache of seeing something that inspires me and then letting that inspiration go to waste because "I'm scared" or "I don't have time." I'm tired of wrapping myself in a warm blanket of excuses.

That's why 2016 is going to be a year of creation over consumption. I'm going to follow my creative urges wherever they may lead. I'm going to fight the moon-like pull of all the other creative people doing creative things and instead start focusing on adding my own voice to the crowd.

That being said, I don't really have a concrete plan for getting past my consumption addiction (yet). It's easy to daydream about creating - that's a big part of what all of this consumption has facilitated: a lot of daydreaming. I'm not short on ideas. In fact I'm practically drowning in them. It's just a matter of picking one. Finding the nearest tool. And starting.

***
London & Florence Countdown:
Days until departure: 6
Excitement to Anxiety Ratio: 75:25

The Great Outdoors

 I find myself missing nature lately. I miss the intense quiet that comes along with walking through the woods, the way some sounds are muffled and some, especially human ones, are amplified. It reminds me of how clumsy we really are compared to most animal species, like we can't go anywhere without causing a ruckus. As cliche as it sounds, I miss the sound of birdsong and the roar of rushing water and the rustle of wind through thousands of leaves high above my head. It's not just that, though. It's the way the rest of the world falls away so easily, so quickly, as if cars and fast food chains and skyscrapers never even existed. Nature gives us the power to step away from the complexity of everyday life and simply be alone with ourselves.

From a walk I took while visiting Minnesota over Spring Break

For a few days, it seemed like spring had come to Iowa. Temperatures crept up to the mid 40s. The sun graced us with its presence. I felt the same rush of giddy excitement that always accompanies the approaching of summer. But something was missing. I didn't realize until I moved to Cedar Rapids how much nature a city like my hometown of Houston contains. There are countless nature centers, parks, and even the occasional wild space that remains untouched by development. Plus, I'm pretty sure there are simply more trees in Houston, those incredibly beautiful oaks suspended in frozen reverie, limbs bowing until they almost touch the ground. I'm not saying that Cedar Rapids is lacking in natural beauty. There's the lake where we raced dragon boats during freshman orientation, and the tree outside my dorm room window that I watched change through the seasons. There's even a grassy park by New Bo Market complete with a meditation circle and a rock sculpture. But I'm beginning to realize that spending too much time away from even the tamest of forests is starting to wear on me. I can only take so much of the manicured lawn (or in the winter, barren tundra) that is the quad. Instead, I find myself daydreaming about camping with my dad, how everything tasted better when it was cooked outdoors.

And yet, while reminiscing about my favorite spots, I ran into several things that bothered me. I find it sad that most wild places, even those in the midst of cities, are inaccessible without a car. I find it strange that in Memorial Park, the majority of the patrons use the running paths along the perimeter. On one side of the path is a tangled mass of branches, on the other a busy thoroughfare. Why drive somewhere to be close to nature, but not to immerse yourself in it?

Living in the city, it can be so easy to forget that there are any wild spaces left. We go about our daily lives, in tune with the rhythms of ticking clocks and rush hour traffic, and we don't realize that anything's missing. I didn't even realize how far I'd fallen into this trap until I listened to the following radio programs in short succession. They are informative, imaginative, and inspirational, and they made me re-imagine the way we interact with the natural world:

1. "Wild Ones Live" - 99% Invisible: This episode of one of my favorite podcasts is actually a live recording of a band/author duo that explores the complex intersections between animals and humans.

2. "The Last Quiet Places: Silence and the Presence of Everything"- On Being: Mind-altering interview with Gordon Hempton, "who defines silence not as an absence of sound but an absence of noise."

 I suppose I'll leave you with a quote from an One Square Inch of Silence by Gordon Hempton:

"Silence is not the absence of something but the presence of everything. It lives here, profoundly, at One Square Inch in the Hoh Rain Forest. It is the presence of time, undisturbed. It can be felt within the chest. Silence nurtures our nature, our human nature, and lets us know who we are. Left with a more receptive mind and a more attuned ear, we become better listeners not only to nature but to each other. Silence can be carried like embers from a fire. Silence can be found, and silence can find you. Silence can be lost and also recovered. But silence cannot be imagined, although most people think so. To experience the soul-swelling wonder of silence, you must hear it." [Source]

I hope this long winded assessment of my relationship with nature makes you think a little more deeply about your own. It could be time to consider how long it's been since you took a walk in the woods.

Go-To Inspiration

This blog post is coming to you from my messy brain in my messy dorm room in the midst of my messy life. I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately. I have so many projects I want to work on. There's school of course, but I'm also trying to step up the discipline in my writing routine. I'm working several work-study jobs, writing for two different blogs (this one and my college's English department), and beginning the search for a summer job in my hometown. Plus, there's a super secret project I can't stop thinking about, and I don't know if it's really worth the time to undertake it or if this is just the honeymoon period. Maybe the excitement will wear off and I'll start hating it, and hating myself for not committing to it, and end up more stressed than when I started.

All of this was causing some creative burn-out, until I stumbled upon this blog post from The Secret Life of Writers. The question it asks is simple: What images will always make you want to write? I've always loved the idea that inspiration is everywhere, but I assumed it was something you had to wait for, that you'd never see it coming. I guess I'd picked up on patterns in the past, but I never saw them as something reliable to turn to when I was at a loss for ideas. Following in the same vein of Heather's post, I thought I'd share a few images that continually make me want to open up a word document and pour my heart out:

1) These paintings by Cy Twombly that hang in The Menil Collection in my hometown:

2) Medieval Tapestries

3) Open windows with white curtains

Photo by Sarah Jane on Flickr

4) Lone canoers on a lake 

5) Road Trips

6) Obscure vintage photography

7) Abandoned houses

I really enjoyed compiling this list, and I hope you find some of these things inspiring as well! Lightning strikes of inspiration are great, but remember, there are always things in your life that inspire you simply because you are drawn to them over and over again. Use these things to your advantage!

Lastly, I would just like say thanks to Heather Marie for her original post. While I too am inspired by things like castles and statues in cemeteries, I had never really dwelled on the mystical qualities of the lighthouse.

Let me know what things inspire you in the comments, and as always, thanks for reading!