A Drop in the Bucket: A Look at my Done Journal

I hate to-do lists. There, I said it. For years I thought the only way to be productive was to make to-do lists and then cry silently for all the things left unfinished at the end of the day. I never got the same satisfaction as other people from crossing items off the list, because somehow everything I still had to do blotted out the any short lived feelings of accomplishment. Plus, I'm terrible at prioritizing. Something needed to change.

The idea of a "Done Journal" is not mine. It's been around for a while, and there are even some apps out there for it, the most popular being iDoneThis. (I haven't tried it, only heard of it) The concept itself is basically a retroactive to-do list, where you write down tasks you've completed rather than things you need to do. The thing that attracted me the most about this idea is that you actually have to do something in order to put it on the list. It sounds obvious, but it's actually extremely powerful. A to-do list is something you create for your future self. You don't get any pleasure out of it until you actually finish a task (or two, or three), and even then it is all too easy to get overwhelmed by the items still on your list. A done list, on the other hand, brings immediate satisfaction. You've just completed a task! You get to add that thing to all the other things you've done that day, that week, that year. You're a rock star!

Okay, so maybe it's weird to get excited over something as small as replying to e-mail, or running errands. But keeping a done list (and a done journal) gives you permission to feel good about yourself and your accomplishments, not matter how small they are. This is the main reason I love done lists, and why I now have a journal for them.

About the supplies: The notebook that became my done journal was part of a three pack set from Greenroom. Once I got to college I started using greenroom notebooks almost exclusively because I was so tired of the boring spiral notebooks they'd make us use in elementary and middle school. (I hold my stationary grudges for a long time, folks). Anyway, they are pretty durable, lightweight, and made out of recycled materials. Plus I find they are the perfect size for this purpose.

I began with categories. I wanted my journal to feel deliberate, creative, and thoughtful, rather than just a hap-hazard record of what I've done. If I can color code something, I always do it. By tagging each item with a different color, I can see at a quick glance what parts of my life I'm spending the most time on. Also, I needed an excuse to use my colorful pens.

Despite my gushing above, starting a done journal didn't magically make me a more productive person. There are still days when I feel crappy about not getting enough done, or I look back at my day and realize that I didn't accomplish anything important. I've noticed that I have to write down the date in the morning before I've finished anything or I don't have the motivation to start working until much later. The other thing that has been helpful is writing down my thoughts at the end of the day about what I accomplished, what I wish I'd done, or simply something that happened to me that day. It's a great way to de-stress and avoid feeling overwhelmed. Can your to-do list do that?

Lastly, the done journal does not completely obliterate the need for a to-do list. As much as I hate to admit it, I still use them to keep track of what I need to do. But since starting my done journal, to-do lists have become more of a tool for remembrance than motivation. The stress-free satisfaction that comes from adding an accomplishment to my done journal is what keeps me going day after day.

This post is the beginning of what I am hoping will become a long running series. Keeping a done journal is one of the items on my creative bucket list*, a compilation of all the creative stuff I want to make or learn about over the course of my lifetime. Each time I cross a new item off the list I'll write a post about it, complete with pictures, stories, and insight into what I've learned. Right now my unofficial goal is to complete one bucket list item every month, though some will take longer than others, and some are ongoing, like the done journal. So far my done journaling experience has been a positive one, and I hope this will inspire you to give it a try.

*At this point you're probably wondering how I can hate to-do lists, but have a 74 item bucket list. The reason is this: My bucket list is a pressure-free space. There is no one demanding I do any of the things on the list by a certain date. Thus I can chip away at it and not feel overwhelmed.

Everyday Magic

Sometimes I fall into a rut of thinking that I've seen all there is to see. I open a book hoping that it will make me feel something, but what I'm actually hoping for are the normal feelings, the quickening heart beat countered by the knowledge that it will work out in the end. And then something comes a long that completely cracks open my world view. It makes me feel something I didn't even know it was possible to feel. It makes me see the world just a little bit differently.

Last night I had one of the most intense movie-watching experiences of my life. My friend and I watched the latest Studio Ghibli film, The Tale of Princess Kaguya. This movie will lift you up and break your heart. It will will make you feel peaceful and anxious, bitter and and full of wonder. It made me cry big, ugly tears.

The film is based on a Japanese folk tale, and the animation style reflects its origins. The colors are subdued, and the figures are less defined than they are in other Ghibli films. It contains some of the most beautifully animated sequences I've ever seen. It baffles me why it didn't win the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature (and lost to Big Hero 6, for that matter).

A friend and I were talking recently about how we usually feel a stronger connection to books than we do to films. I think about my favorite books on a daily basis, but I rarely contemplate movies I watched a long time ago. I have a feeling this film will be different. I feel different for having seen it.

Before watching this film I was so used to stories making me feel the same way that I had begun to take them for granted. I was certainly not expecting to end up in a puddle of tears, or to still be thinking about Princess Kaguya when I woke up this morning. Sometimes it's hard to believe that the things I love - my favorite books, films, and poems - were created by another human being. They feel too much like a gift from the universe, sent to me right when I need it most. I think Charles de Lint said it best with this quote:

"I do believe in an everyday sort of magic - the inexplicable connectedness we sometimes experience with places, people, works of art, and the like; the eerie appropriateness of moments of synchronicity; the whispered voice, the hidden presence, when we think we're alone."

I'm not sure if what I've learned from Princess Kaguya has to do with the film itself or that I happened to see it at this point in time, but I do know that I'm not going to take stories for granted anymore. I've learned to always seek out the things that make you feel vulnerable, the things that lift you up and tear you down and ultimately change your perspective. This is the everyday magic, and it doesn't matter where you find it as long as you don't fall into the trap of forgetting that it's there.

ps. If you noticed that I didn't give you a film synopsis, it's because I went into this movie not knowing anything about it, and I really think it's better that way.

This Is Who I Am Now

"Rules for Self Discovery:

1. What we want most

2. What we think about most

3. How we use our money

4. What we do with our leisure time

5. The company we enjoy

6. Who and what we admire

7. What we laugh at"

-A.W. Tozier

1. Unlimited writing time; that breathless, teary eyed laughter; freedom from unnecessary time-sucks;  creative collaboration; being surrounded by enthusiastic people; travel opportunities; room to explore varied interests

2. Stories; words; dogs; photography; the last podcast episode I listened to; the future; memories of the people I love; Shakespeare; learning to play the mandolin; my to-do list; the last book I read; the universe; faraway places

3. Coffee; chocolate; books; cross-country train tickets; concerts; school supplies; the occasional twirly dress

4. Read; write; watch youtube videos; participate in long conversations; take walks; have impromptu dance parties; go to coffee shops; daydream; sketch; listen to music and podcasts

5. Friends; family; dogs; enthusiastic people; artists; book lovers; travelers; people with a high tolerance for embarrassment; storytellers; perceptive people; knowledgable people; nature; books; silence

6. Anyone who is unapologetic about what they love; perseverance; Shannon Hale; John and Hank Green; people who are experts at something; Emily Graslie; optimism; generosity; anyone who is trying to make a difference for other people; Jad Abumrad; Roman Mars; my best friend; people who are good at time management

7. Goofy faces; puns; my dog; word play; inside jokes; catch phrases; old memories; strangers who do/say weird things

Fear, Plans, and Journaling

I am a maker of plans. A list maker, a dreamer, a person who functions best when she has something to look forward to. But what happens when that something (that project, that trip, that social event) evokes a mixture of fear as well as excitement? In a fight between the two, fear usually wins. No, I usually let fear win. And the stupid thing is, that of the two emotions, fear is always the smallest, physically. Fear is the tiny ball in the pit of my stomach, while excitement is the thing that makes me want to get up and actually do something. Excitement is in my blood and fear is a parasite.

When I look back through my old journals, which I've been keeping on and off since the 6th grade, I see a major shift take place between middle and high school. In middle school I wrote mostly about my life. I wrote about things that happened to me, or interesting conversations, or something my teacher said, but in high school a lot of that reflection got replaced by plan-making. I stopped writing about what my life was actzually like and started writing about what I wanted my life to be like. And that doesn't have to be a bad thing, but when I look back at those entries I realize that almost all of them say the same things: Write more. Procrastinate less. Get out of your comfort zone.

Figuring out what caused this shift inevitably lead me to wondering why I keep a journal in the first place. When I was younger, I wanted my older self to be able to look back at my entries and learn something about what it was like to be me at that age. As I got older, my priorities changed. Keeping a journal became less about recording my life and more about the the act of writing. Writing was how I figured stuff out. Writing made me feel empowered, and when I wrote out exactly who I wanted to be, and how I was supposedly going to get there, I felt more in control. The problem was, of course, that I never remembered.

One of the innate things about keeping a journal is that you write something down, get something off your chest, and then you forget about it. It's like putting your emotions or experiences into a jar that you only take down from the shelf once a year. So no matter how many times I wrote out my plans, I was putting them in a place that wasn't going to help me very much.

Realizing this has pushed me forward in a lot of ways. For one, I understand now that I don't want to look back at my journals every few years and read about everything I wanted to do, but never did. That, to me, is a far stronger motivator than a million lists and action plans and ideal life scenarios. That fear, the fear of always planning but never doing, is actually a good thing. It keeps me motivated and on track. And more importantly, I can choose it over the other kind. At the very least I'll end up with the kind of journals my older self will actually enjoy reading.

Letter to October #11

Dear October,
      Here are some of the things I did today:

1. Wrote words.

2. Had pumpkin cake for breakfast at my favorite coffee shop.

3. Listened to several podcast episodes.

4. Finished reading First Light by Rebecca Stead.

5. Wrote more words.

6. Talked about Paris, cats, and music videos over dinner.

7. Watched one of my favorite movies ever, for like the millionth time. (Ever After - Oh, 90s movie trailers how I love you)

Extra Thoughts:
-First Light was really good! It's a middle grade book about two kids from separate worlds: one is a boy visiting Greenland with his scientist parents, the other is a girl who is part of an ancient civilization who have build a home for themselves deep under the ice. I've read one other book by Rebecca Stead, and each time I am blown away by her writing. It is beautiful in its simplicity, and she is one of those rare children's book authors whose prose feels effortless, as though someone is just telling you a good story. I enjoyed this book just as much now as I would have when I was ten, and if you're up for a good adventure story with endearing characters, I highly recommend picking it up.

-I actually didn't write as much as I had hoped for today, but I'm trying to teach myself to be happy with new words, now matter how abundant they are (or aren't). Most of the time I think I have to rush through writing stories or I'll never finish them, but I've been trying to go at a slower pace and let this story unfold at its own pace. I have a sign up in my room that says "Trust the Process." It's so easy to want to jump to the finish line, but I'm re-discovering the joy of simply putting down words.

-Need podcast recommendations? My go-to's are Radiolab and 99% Invisible, but lately I've been listening to the Love Hurts series on a podcast called Strangers. Just, wow. So raw, so real, so fascinating. Also, if you don't listen to podcasts, I suggest you start. Audio is the one of the most incredible storytelling mediums I've come across.

-And finally, Ever After. I did sort of watch it for a reason besides, you know, re-living my childhood. In my Renaissance Art History class we are talking about the "making of an artist," and specifically the stories we tell about artists and why some of them loom so large in our cultural consciousness. One of the ones we've been talking about is, of course, Leonardo da Vinci, and we have to do a project where we write our own narrative about the artist, based on both scholarly and pop culture sources. Since da Vinci makes a pretty prominent cameo in Ever After, I thought I'd give it another viewing. I'm not sure I gained much more insight into da Vinci as an artist besides the fact that his movie self fits very nicely into the "wise old man" trope, but I did discover that I can quote almost every line. I guess that shouldn't come as a surprise, judging by the number of times I've watched it...

Well, I think that's a long enough letter for one evening. Tomorrow will most likely be another day of writing and reading, and maybe some laundry....Exciting, I know.

Laura

Song of the Day: Land of the Living by Roo Panes

Letter to October #10

Dear October,
      I'm sorry I've been so silent lately. I'm sure you don't want to hear excuses, but this was midterms week, and you weren't the only thing I had to neglect in favor of studying. Luckily today I turned in my last assignment, and I'm officially off for the next four days! Fall break is always a little depressing because so many of my friends live near enough to go home, while I'm still stuck a couple thousand miles away. Still, I'm going to have company this time in the form of my roommate, which is certainly a nice change.
I spent most of my evening doing the things I haven't had time to do all week. It was a night partly inspired by an author interview in the back of one of the books on my shelf (why yes, I am one of those people who skips to the back of books I haven't read).* The question she was asked was "What is your idea of fun?" and she answered, remarkably, with a description of what she and her family like to call Abbey Nights. (No, not Downton Abbey. That's where my mind went, too.) Basically they turn off all unessential power in their house - lights, TV, computers, phones - and spend the night doing "nineteenth-century activities": reading, talking, and playing music. "Suddenly," she says, "the night is so long, and we feel so much more connected and grounded, away from all the noisy screens we're so addicted to." And so, I spent my evening reading and writing letters, drinking apple cider, and letting the stress of this week melt away with each scribbled word and each soft rustling of a page. I couldn't do an all out "Abbey Night" namely because we aren't allowed to have candles in our dorm room, and because I am sitting here, typing this letter to you, but it was close enough to remind me just how slowly time passes when you're not mindlessly clicking between tabs. Over the next couple of days I plan to disconnect from the internet as much as possible and return to the thing that has always been a place of refuge for me: words.
So it's been a wonderful day, October. Thanks for being patient with me while I struggled my way through this week, and I think you'll be hearing from me much more frequently in the near future.

Laura

* The book, in case you were wondering, is The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making by Catherynne M. Valente

Song of the Day (to quiet your mind): The Violet Hour by The Civil Wars

Letter to October #5

Dear October,
      As crazy as this upcoming week is going to be, I don't feel too nervous about it because I spent most of today studying. I still don't feel completely caught up, but I feel a lot more prepared than I did a few days ago. One of the things that has been helping me stay disciplined is writing every day, not just your letters, but also my own stories and poems. I'm discovering that if I'm disciplined in one aspect of my life I become more disciplined in others. That seems like common sense now, but for some reason I hadn't thought of it before. It also just feels really good to be taking time each day to indulge my imagination, and to see my progress spool out in lines of text, a little bit more each day. Maybe at the end of the month I will show you my calendar that I've been using to keep of track of my writing, where I get one star sticker for each day that I write. There's something to be said for personal encouragement through stickers. I highly recommend it.

Laura

Song of the Day: One Minute More by Capital Cities