Overcoming Expectations

Writing was so much easier when I was younger. That's what I caught myself thinking the other day. I suppose there was some truth in that statement, but the more I thought about it, the more it felt...wrong. Because, while writing may have felt easy when I was younger, it wasn't any more or less difficult than it is now.  My expectations were just lower. In fact, I didn't have any expectations. I wrote because it was fun.

It seems that as we get older we loose that blissful freedom to write without expectation. Instead, we are suddenly bombarded by outside pressures. First, it's the pressure to be something. I've wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. I've also always known it would take work, that I'd have to struggle to become who I wanted to be, just like everybody else. But sometimes it feels like I'm cheating. I mean, in essence, I can do what I've always wanted to right now. I don't have to wait until I've graduated from college, or landed a job in  my desired profession. I can be a writer right now.

So why does it feel like I still have so far to go? The answer? Expectation. When you've done something your whole life, you're expected to improve. And if you work diligently at it, you do. That's pretty much an established fact. However, you can't judge yourself based on this fact, because most likely you will feel like you haven't improved enough, not matter how far you've come. I've been playing piano since the fourth grade, but there are times when I'll look at a new piece and feel like a novice again, my fingers fumbling clumsily for the correct notes. It's times like these when it's most important to remember what it was like to be a kid. Think about why you wanted to be a writer (or a musician) in the first place. Embrace the joy of simply creating, and not caring if your dialogue is lame-sounding or if you still can't get the timing on that musical phrase to sound right. That's okay. Because art is not about what you or anyone else expects. It's about making something that speaks to you, and that you enjoy making. Make art for yourself, trust that you will always improve, and try not to think about what's expected of you.

Why I Love Mary O'Connell's "The Sharp Time" and I Haven't Even Finished Reading it Yet

I have made it to page one-hundred of The Sharp Time, a novel by Mary O'Connell, but I can honestly say that I knew I was going to love this book from the very first page. It had been on my radar for a few months, mainly because I was enchanted by the cover. And like most of the books that have changed my life, I stumbled across this one in a library.

Of course, I can't say with certainty that this book will change my life. That kind of thing doesn't happen on page one or one-hundred or even right after someone closes a book. I don't think you realize how a book has affected you until much later. But I can tell you why I like The Sharp Time. Why, one-hundred pages in, I decided to stop reading it and tell you about it:

1. The First Page:  Before I get into that, here's the premise: "Sandinista Jones is a high school senior with a punk rock name and a broken heart. The death of her single mother has left Sandinista alone in the world, subject to the random vulnerability of everyday life. When the school system lets her down, her grief and instability intensify, and she ponders a violent act of revenge.

Still, in the midst of her crisis, she gets a job at The Pale Circus, a funky vintage clothing shop, and finds friendship and camaraderie with her coworker, a boy struggling with his own secrets.

Even as Sandinista sees the failures of those with power and authority, she's offered the chance to survive through the redemptive power of friendship. Now she must choose between faith and forgiveness or violence and vengeance."- Goodreads

 This sounds like a pretty typical YA book, right? I figured it would be a slow starter. The reader would follow this Sandanista Jones through her day, maybe start with her fist day back at school after the death of her mother. Instead, Ms. O'Connell throws you head first into the story, starting instead with Sandinista being interviewed for a job at The Pale Circus. 

Not to mention it has this delicious first line: "Anybody can tell that the pretentious ass who runs the Pale Circus fancies himself an artiste of sorts: a purveyor of poplin and mohair, an architect of nostalgia."

Wow. I mean, who wouldn't be hooked by that first line?

2. Colors: Reading this book is like being lost in a candy shop. That's the only way I can think to describe it. Everything is coral, cream, and green, or sometimes cool turquoise, dark cherry, cinnamon brown. And of course the colors on the cover match perfectly.

3. Voice: Sandinista(!) Jones is one of the most fascinating narrators I've ever read. She is constantly thinking up witty asides that the reader is always privy to. Her thoughts and actions ring true and yet I feel like there will always be more to learn about her. She's hurting and she thinks dark thoughts sometimes, but ultimately we want to believe in her. Or rather, we want to believe that she will make the right choices.  I don't know what will happen next or how she will deal with it, but if it means spending more time inside her head, I want to be there.

 I still have 128 more pages before I finish The Sharp Time. I am absolutely loving it so far, and I can only hope that the rest doesn't let me down. I can't wait to let you all know what I think after I've finished!

Now it's your turn: What was the last book that you loved (or thought you were going to love) from the very first page?

What Really Matters: Shining Eyes

I know I don't usually write posts about music, but music is my other passion and so I couldn't let this go without sharing it. This TED Talk completely changed my perspective on music, and life. Please watch, you won't be disappointed.

You Can Do Hard Things

I want you to take a moment and think about the title of this post. Now, look at the information below:

Characteristics of Hard Things:

• Hard things are difficult 
• Hard things are overwhelming
• Hard things make you feel scared and inadequate

Now read the following sentence:

 You can do hard things.

Doesn't that just lift the weight off of your shoulders? Suddenly whatever it was that was belittling you with it's scary difficult-ness seems just a little bit less difficult, right? Those five little words just made you feel better about yourself. Language is a powerful thing.

I have to admit, mantras don't usually work for me. Maybe they do when someone else is drilling them into my head, but not when I'm on the brink of some scary something and I'm trying to tell myself it will be okay. "You don't know that!", my brain says, "You're just saying that in an attempt to calm yourself down. And you better try something else because it's not working!" Despite my fickle brain,  "You can do hard things" is one of the phrases I've found that actually works. Whenever the going gets tough, wether it has to do with writing, or school, or (more recently) my driver's test, I say that phrase to myself. Why? Because  instead of filling my head with promises of everything magically working out, or making myself feel worse by pretending that what I'm trying to do is easy, those five little words actually make me believe that I can do it. Why again? Because I can! I think that every one of us is capable of doing hard things. We just have to put our minds to it. And that is what makes this phrase so powerful. It's the truth.

Armed with this new knowledge, you are ready. The time has come. Go out and write that novel, or ace that test, or climb that mountain. Yes, it will be difficult. But something tells me you can do it.

Update

Okay. So I know I'm not supposed to apologize on my blog, or make excuses about why I haven't been posting recently, but I have a couple of legitimate reasons for my absence that I'd like to have go on record:

1. The end of May was insane, with finals and the end of my Junior year of high school. I am officially a senior now!
2. I just got back from a seven day cruise in the bahamas. My computer stayed at home. 
3. I am going to break the first rule now and apologize for being missing in action. I do plan to continue writing in this blog and I hope you will continue reading! (Next time I'll try to warn you about any absences!)

Well, now that that's out of the way, I thought I'd give you a little update on the things going on my life right now: 

• I got accepted to the Iowa Young Writer's Studio! I will be there for two weeks in July, not including a detour my parents and I are taking in order to explore colleges in that area when the workshop is over. I WILL be bringing my computer, so I will try to keep you updated on all the goings on.
• Two pieces of my writing were accepted for publication in the Ivy Quill, Ivy Tech Community College's (in Indiana) literary magazine. So happy!
• As part of our assignment for the fiction class that I will be taking in Iowa, we have to write in a notebook every day. I've been trying to do that, with...moderate success.
• I just started writing on a new project that I'm dubbing "Laura's Super Secret Project."More on that later.
• Also, I love this video. This is what I hope writing a novel is like, even if it does make me seem crazy. (Via: Kaleb Nation)
• I'm sick. Meaning I have a cold. And it sucks.

Well, that's about all for now. I just want to say how good it feels to be blogging again! In a few days I will try to post another "From a Writer's Notebook" post. I feel kind of bad that I haven't done more with that series.

Also: I'm currently reading "A Good American" by Alex George. It is wonderful so far. Stay tuned for a review!

Finally, thank you everyone who has read and commented on this blog. It means so much to me!

Ten Things Playing the Piano has Taught Me About Writing

From MaltaGirl

1. Practice, Practice, Practice!
2. Don't rush: Being good takes time.
3. Don't be afraid to experiment.
4. Listen. To everything.
5. Let yourself go. Loose sight of reality. When you come back to it, everything will be different.
6. Learn through imitation.
7. My piano teacher has a sign on her wall that says, "All pianists must have wrists of butter and fingers of steel."  How about, "All writers must have hearts of butter and minds of steel."
8. Don't be rigid. Fold yourself into your piece. Be flexible.
9. Each new accomplishment is a kind of amnesia. You forget about the pain that went into learning/writing the piece. And best of all, you know it was all worth it.
10. Share your work with anyone who will listen.

A Letter to My Former English Teachers

Dear Former English Teachers,
        You may remember me...or not. I'm the one who wrote passionate, page long answers to your questions like "What is your favorite book?"and "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" and you'll be happy to know that I can tie To Kill a Mockingbird into just about anything (and I did, in an essay on the AP English Language test yesterday-I'm not allowed to talk about specifics). But enough about me.
        I'm here to talk about you. Collectively, you are the craziest, most passionate group of people I know. Some of you were odd balls, or just plain grumps, but I understand how teaching long enough can make you that way. You each have your quirks: one of you is afraid of hair (Journalism teacher), another of you used to teach 3rd grade math and made us play math games in class, and you, my current english teacher, are obsessed with Batman and John Keats (nicknamed Junkets). And I love you for it. Even the teachers I'm not particularly grateful for have taught me something, even if it's only, "Don't grow up to be like her." 
        And without you, ALL of you, I might never have discovered my love of language. The books we read in elementary school stay in my memory to this day. And the books after that, and the books after that. Harper Lee, Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Lewis Stevenson, Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Kurt Vonnegut, Mark Twain, Alice Walker. Their voices stay with me. I can hear the words running through my mind, and what I was feeling when I read them, and what I was feeling when you talked about them in class. Your voices run together into a collective voice, at times passionate and inspiring, and at times serious, asking the tough questions, telling me to think harder than I am. 
        You teachers don't get much recognition. Chocolate, maybe, at Christmas time, and lots of Barnes & Noble Gift Cards. But real recognition? For everything you do? Every day, you deal with math loving *shudder* middle schoolers *shudder*. I'm sorry I never told you how I feel. I hope my love of English was evident in my writing. I hope, even in those dark ages known as middle school, that you knew I cared. You were the ones who planted the spark. The spark that makes me sit down and write every day. The spark that keeps me up to all hours of the night, reading. The spark that makes every essay a personal challenge to outdo myself, and every question like "What is your favorite book?" a dissertation.
         So thanks for being there. For pushing me when I needed pushing, and praising when I needed praising. Thanks for showing up at awards ceremonies. Thanks for showing up, period. Because even if we seem like thankless slobs who can't even remember to do our homework, we will never forget you. And that's the truth.

-Laura

***

On a loosely related note, this is what our current english teacher wrote about John Keats on out final exam review sheet:

"In order to adequately prepare for the rest of your life, you must learn to embrace John Keats [know the glorious date of his birth, know that Fanny could never deserve the greatness of his love, and know that "When I Have Fears That I May Cease To Be" is his most truly awe-inspiring poem!]"

Yeah, she's cool, right? And for those of you who are interested, here is my summer reading list:

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (Started reading it but never finished.)

How to Read Literature like a Professor by Thomas C. Foster (Same as above.)

Macbeth by William Shakespeare (Never read. Excited about this one!)